Sick of trying to find ways to deal with a colleague’s exaggerated sense ofself-importance? Here’s how to manage it. There is a lot of information and research in to narcissists but at a high level it can best be described as someone with a personality disorder in which there is a long-term pattern of abnormal behaviour characterised by exaggerated feelings of self-importance, an excessive need for admiration, and a lack of understanding of others’ feelings. Dealing with narcissists in
sts in a workforce context can create very stressful situations for you. With this mind, it is worthwhile to examine ways that you can manage your own emotions when you’re dealing with people high in narcissism.
Some strategies for dealing with narcissists are:
Acknowledge your annoyance. Narcissists can be antagonistic, even bullying or harassing, and get under your skin. If you’re trying to get something done, and one person is always interrupting or trying to shine the spotlight on himself or herself, recognising where your frustration is coming from can help give you the strength you need to put a stop to it.
Appreciate where the behaviour comes from. Narcissists need to makethemselves feel better about themselves, which is why they can become sneaky and undercutting. They may question your authority just to create mischief. Once you recognise that they are coming from a place of insecurity, you can provide them with just enough reassurance to get them to settle down and focus on what needs to be done. Too much reassurance and you’ll fan their egocentric flames, but the right amount will allow them to calm down and get to the task at hand.
Evaluate the context. Narcissism is not an all-or-nothing personality trait. Some situations may elicit a person’s insecurities more than others. Let’s say someone was turned down for a promotion that they wanted very much, and now must continue to work with the person who got the job. Their insecurity will only worsen with time, leading them to become defensively narcissistic, vindictive, and spiteful. If you know a person like this, it’s important to remember that the situation helped create the type of person with whom you must now interact.
Maintain a positive outlook. If you are dealing with narcissists who derive pleasure from watching others suffer, then seeing the pain they cause will only egg them on to more aggressive counter-behaviour. Don’t look ruffled, even if you’re feeling annoyed, and eventually that behaviour will diminish in frequency. Furthermore, by keeping the previous tips in mind, you may be able to help ease the situation, so things improve.
Don’t let yourself get derailed. It’s easy to lose your own sense of purpose or goals when a narcissist tries to take centre stage. You don’t need to attend to everything this person says or does, no matter how much he or she clamours for your attention. Find the balance between moving ahead in the direction you want to pursue and alleviating the vulnerable narcissist’s anxieties and insecurities.
Keep your sense of humour. Calling a narcissist’s bluff may mean that you ignore the person, but it might also mean that you meet that bluff with a laugh at least once in a while. Without being cruel about it, you can point to the inappropriateness of the person’s egocentric behaviour with a smile or joke.
Recognise that the person may need help. Because some narcissists truly have low self-esteem and profound feelings of inadequacy, it’s important to recognise when they can benefit from professional intervention. Research shows that people can change even longstanding behaviours. Bolstering the individual’s self-esteem may not be something you can tackle on your own, but it is something you can work on with outside help. By understanding the importance of working and dealing with different personality types, particularly narcissists, you’ll create the create the career success you want.
Ella Harvey is strategic consulting manager at Talent Code HR